For a almost a year now, I've been taking medication to manage my mood disorder. I have gained a lot of weight since I've been on these pills. I'm getting frequent migraines for which most painkillers won't do anything, and I have to sleep them off. I'm also finding I'm so lethargic that I can barely concentrate on anything, especially when I'm depressive. I have to question whether the benefits of the pills are actually worth what I'm going through. Maybe I should be on different medication. Maybe I shouldn't be on it. Choosing an SSRI/anti-psychotic/mood stabiliser is not simple, because making the right decision (or not) affects my life in so many ways. I have to consider the potential side effects as well as the potential benefits in order to make an informed decision about the chemicals I want to put into my body, based on how they might affect my brain and therefore my daily level of ability to function (or "tolerability" as my therapist calls it). When you think about it, that's quite a substantial task considering the whole problem is that my mood disorder leaves me barely able to look after myself.
And don't get me started on the stigma. I call them my "crazy pills" to make it less heavy, if that's the right word. People hear mental illness and they get uncomfortable. Then they hear medication and they start behaving differently. The thing is, it doesn't have to be scary, we just need more education. I know a lot of people who take anti-depressants, beta blockers or similar medication. They all appear 'normal' (whatever that supposedly is) on the outside. Not dangerous or any of the other ludicrous stereotypes. I'm just taking medication to manage a problem like anyone would with any illness; I'm still me.
